


The Adventures of Les Potats

by raven_maiden



Series: Meet the Malfoys [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Domestic Fluff, Drinking to Cope, F/M, Humor, Misbehaving Dads, Misbehaving Potats, Sexual Content, written for fanart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-28 13:15:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30140121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raven_maiden/pseuds/raven_maiden
Summary: A collection of drabbles and ficlets set in the Dramione-centric Meet the Malfoys verse. Written to accompany kumatan's art.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Series: Meet the Malfoys [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717768
Comments: 42
Kudos: 387





	1. Grown Wankers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kumatan0720](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kumatan0720/gifts).



> Hi lovelies- it's been way too long since I've posted anything Meet the Malfoys, so for now, kumatan and I thought you would enjoy this little collection written to accompany her MTM-verse art. 🥰
> 
> The MTM series is based kumatan and I's headcanons of Draco, Hermione, and their potats- Scorpius, Lyra, and Leo. Each chapter will contain a link to her artwork. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy, lovelies! 💕

**Grown Wankers**

See the accompanying comic on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/CMnDp2rgVoe/?igshid=zzqtat57pjii/) and [Tumblr](https://kumatan0720.tumblr.com/post/646105378888843264/)!

“Are you sure we shouldn’t—”

“They’re _fine_.” Ginny’s mouth quirked as she finished topping off Hermione’s glass. “Quit hovering.”

Hermione sighed. “You're right. It’s just—a bit unsettling, is all.”

“I get it,” said Ginny, now rummaging through her liquor cabinet. “I mean, I half-thought Harry was _Imperio_ ’d when he suggested we leave the four of them alone alone—” 

“Right? And the way Draco _laughed_ at that stupid joke of his—!” 

“—but I really think we’re not giving them enough credit." Ginny found what she was looking for— an expensive-looking bottle of mead— and unpopped it with a wink. "Mummy's favorite medicine." 

“You know, I suppose it’s been moving this way for a while now,” said Hermione thoughtfully. “I can’t remember the last time they really argued—” 

“Luna and Theo’s in February. I remember because I made Harry sleep on the couch for a week.” 

Hermione winced. “Ah. Right.” 

“But you’re not wrong. They _have_ been getting on lately.” With a tilt of her head, Ginny led them out of the kitchen and down the corridor. 

“It’s nice to see, don’t get me wrong.” Hermione sipped her drink as they walked. “It’s just unexpected.” 

“Yeah, well, fatherhood will change a person. There’s no time for petty schoolboy squabbles when you’re dealing with nappies and tantrums and insomniac toddlers.”

Hermione snorted into her glass. 

They reached the doors of the drawing room, and Ginny smirked as she turned to her. 

“To our grown wankers of husbands finally growing up.” 

“Finally,” said Hermione. 

Their glasses clinked, and Ginny pushed the doors open. 

Hermione’s cocktail sloshed as they froze. 

A writing desk had tipped over, casting books and parchment and picture frames to the floor. A pillow had burst somewhere, filling the air with feathers that danced between their enraged husbands.

“This is clearly Scorpius’ doing!” Harry was shouting, fully red in the face. “If you hadn’t distracted with me with your terrible Quidditch opinions—” 

“Come off it, Potter!” Draco spat. “This coming from the man who destroyed Gringotts and Hogwarts in a single day!” 

“Albus would never—” 

“It was _clearly_ Albus! Anyone with your genetics is about as graceful as a troll—” 

“Ma!” Scorpius squirmed towards the doorway with a toothless grin. 

Albus blinked up at his father, then his mother, wide-eyed. 

There was silence. And then— 

“Let’s get more drinks,” said Ginny. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on [Tumblr](https://raven-m-3.tumblr.com) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/raven.m.writes/)!
> 
> Follow kumatan on [Tumblr](https://kumatan0720.tumblr.com/) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/kumatandraws/)!


	2. The Get Along Shirt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Promised I wouldn't keep you waiting long! 😚 
> 
> Drabble written for [this hysterical comic](https://www.instagram.com/p/CM7lMzUAKU8/) by Kumatan. Thank you for the collab, bb. 😘
> 
> I hope you enjoy, lovelies. 💕

See the accompanying comic on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/CM7lMzUAKU8/) and [Tumblr](https://kumatan0720.tumblr.com/post/646831896073060352)!

It took a village to put Leo Malfoy down for a nap on the weekends. 

Hermione would warm the bottle while Draco read _Good Night, Little Sea Otter;_ Draco would tuck Leo in as Hermione dimmed the lights, humming. 

As for Lyra and Scorpius— well, they were to play together _quietly_ until the necessary silencing and monitoring charms were in place. 

Theoretically. 

Draco was tiptoeing towards the door and Hermione was on the last verse of _Hickory Dickory Dock_ when it happened. 

_“STOP!_ ”

“ _NO FAIR! NO F—_ ”

Leo shot upright as Draco cursed. “Da?” 

Hermione groaned and tore from the room, sprinting towards the noise. 

The scene in Scorpius’ room froze her. Scorpius was jumping up and down, screaming as Lyra scaled his bookshelf like a cat. Lyra’s eyes were narrowed in beady determination, her little arm stretching for something at the top— a book. 

The shelf swayed, and Hermione’s chest seized. She scrambled for her wand just as Draco arrived with Leo, slamming into her from behind. 

Hermione's wand flew through air as the shelf began toppling. Draco shouted something, but they could do nothing but stare in helpless horror as Lyra launched off the shelf like a flying squirrel, tackling Scorpius as it crashed to the ground. 

There was a groan, and a shuffling. Hermione could hardly breathe as she stumbled forward, scanning Scorpius and Lyra for injuries. 

She had barely disentangled whose blond head was whose when sound erupted again. 

“Look what you _—”_

“ _Youw fault!"_

They began wrangling over the book. 

“ _Get off!_ _”_

“Give it back! _”_

Hermione’s nostrils flared as she turned to snatch her wand. “ _Accio._ ” 

The book soared into her hands as Scorpius and Lyra scrambled to their feet, pointing at each other. 

“Mum, she took my—”

“He wouldn’t shawe!” 

“—can’t even read it! Last time she tore out half the pages—”” 

“He never shawes! I even said pwease, but he—” 

“ _Enough,_ ” Draco boomed behind her. 

There was a ringing silence. 

Hermione glowered at them as Draco appeared at her side with slow footsteps. He set a squirming Leo on the floor. 

“What have we told you about sharing with your little sister, Scorpius?” 

“But Dad, she—” 

“ _No buts_." 

Scorpius hung his head. A look of glee crossed Lyra’s face— just quick enough to catch. 

“And what have we told _you_ about respecting your brother’s things, Lyra?” said Draco sharply. 

Lyra’s expression soured.

“You know what?” Hermione glanced at Draco. “I think this calls for the Get Along Shirt.” 

Scorpius moaned; Lyra pouted and stomped her foot. “Mum—” 

“No whinging. This is the third fight of the day. We’ve tried reasoning, we’ve tried negotiating, we’ve tried separating. Nothing has worked.” She cast a quick Summoning Charm, and a piece of fabric barreled through the doorway and into her hands. 

She shook it out and handed it to Draco. “I’ll let you do the honors.” 

Hermione set about fixing the broken shelves and summoning the scattered books while Draco wriggled their pouting, protesting children into the Get Along Shirt. 

They had Hermione’s parents to thank for it. They’d picked it up at a Muggle shop one weekend while babysitting, and as loathe as Hermione was to admit it, her father had been right. The thing worked. 

Not that it made the present situation any less irritating.

Hermione could feel her hair growing larger from exertion and frustration as she worked, lecturing them all the while. “Siblings love each other. Siblings are a _team_. You’ll need to remember both of these things if you want to be released from the Get Along Shirt before dinner.” 

Her only replies were Draco's cough, and a sound resembling a hiss from Lyra. 

Finally, Hermione repaired the book she’d pried out of Leo’s slobbering mouth earlier, and sent it soaring back to the now-intact shelf. 

“Call me once you’re ready to play nicely together. Until then, you have to sit here quietly and think about what you’ve done.” She tucked her wand into her back pocket, glancing around the room for Leo. 

But he was nowhere to be found. 

She spun to Draco, but just when she opened her mouth to ask, her eyes dropped to her two grumpy eldest. There was an odd bulge in the Get Along Shirt, situated squarely between them. She followed the shape to the hemline, where two tiny feet were sticking out. 

“Leo!” Hermione rushed over and extricated him from the shirt. He giggled and kicked as she scooped him up. “Leo, that shirt isn’t for hide and seek!”

Draco’s coughing fit dissolved into full-on laughter. 

Hermione whipped around. "It's not funny, Draco!" 

He tried to stop himself as Hermione glared daggers at him, which only made him laugh harder. Scorpius sulked while Lyra’s eyes darted between them, searching for weakness. 

“Don’t make me put _you_ in that shirt, Draco Malfoy.” 

Hermione marched out of the room with Leo on her hip, silencing the corridor filled with Draco’s laughter behind her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm shit at responding to comments, but please know that I appreciate them very much (same for your kudos). More to come soon-ish. ❤️
> 
> Please make sure to give Kumatan love, if you haven't already!

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [Tumblr](https://raven-m-3.tumblr.com) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/raven.m.writes/)!
> 
> Follow kumatan on [Tumblr](https://kumatan0720.tumblr.com/) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/kumatandraws/)!


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